just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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