So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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