If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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