I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
