hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My vagina is officially offended.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
