Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
