Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
