we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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