I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
