we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize