you guys were way drunker than both of me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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