It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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