We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
