you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
