were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
