IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
