don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
