Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
