Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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