she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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