I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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