I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
