i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
