Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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