Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
