It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i will never coherently bang her
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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