i would punch a child for taco bell
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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