she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
