mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
