New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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