i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
