If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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