fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
