I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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