Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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