why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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