i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
