are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
