HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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