I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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