I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
