Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
