That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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