He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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