i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
