I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
YAS. BRING CRAB.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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