i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
