People with herpes should wear stickers.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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