At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
