I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
