Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
