i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
