the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I did not marry a roomba.
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