You can't motorboat a personality
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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