so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
