Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
