Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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