He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
