are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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