So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
