I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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