all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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