Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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