Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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