she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
