Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
