the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
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I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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