I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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