your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
