true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
