i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
