My friends, they love my intelligence
my shit smells like andre
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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