I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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