i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
